


Never Leave Your Bunker Alone With A Cupid (And Company).

by TheBlindAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adrian Ships it, Charlie Ships It, Crowley and Metatron Ship it., Everyone Needs Brain Bleach., F/M, Hell, Kevin Ships It, M/M, Sam Ships It, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:47:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3741376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlindAngel/pseuds/TheBlindAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean goes out to eat with Castiel, after being told that Sam and Adrian are 'together', whatever that means. The main reason for this is to escape the couple and the bunker for a few hours. It's not so that Dean can be alone with Cas at a restaurant. It's totally not that. Got it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I don't give a flying waffle if people like this or not. I have an English thing to prepare for tomorrow, so I'm getting the creative juices flowing tonight. If you don't like the oneshot, (which may be in a series of oneshots, I haven't really decided yet), then please, feel free to bash on my creative writing. If you do like it, leave a comment on a situation I should put the characters in next. *No Killings Of Major Characters*.

_**"Ouch, son of a flying fuckass." *Smack* "Shit, what the-". This is what living with the Winchesters is like for the young Cherub, Adrian. Going by her human name has caused several hunters to come after her and try to kill her, so she goes by Adrian now. Pfft, just joking. Nah, she just didn't feel like having to correct her brother every time he said her name. Really though, the life of a hunter can be tough, especially when being a cherub and feeling every point of sexual tension in the close proximity of an angel and a human. It's a miracle she hasn't killed them yet.** _

***Back to the Present***

Sam was simply minding his own business when suddenly, he had a lap full of cherub. He jumped in his chair. Unfortunately, that was the only thing keeping Adrian leveled. She was launched back into the table, successful in knocking over three books and a lamp. With a shatter, the lamp lay in pieces. Sam sent the glare of bitchface #192735 towards Adrian. "Really? My lap? You could have landed anywhere else, hell, the fridge, but you chose my lap?" She looked back up at him with a mischievous look in her eyes. "Sorry, Honey, I had to get away from the kids and you looked comfy."

The cherub got off the floor, snapping the books and lamp back onto the table, thankfully in one piece.  Adrian glanced towards the hall, which led to the bedrooms, then back at Sam. "We need to talk, Samquanda. It's about Cas and Dean. Yeah, they're together, but they've banged once, and they're back to being, well, weird. I'm about to go do something really stupid, so I need you to back me up on this." The gentle giant gave Adrian a puzzled look, but just shrugged and replied, "What the hell. It can't be that bad."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_It was that bad. Being dragged into the bunker kitchen wasn't, but when it included your brother and an angel having furious eyesex up in the joint, it became awkward really fast._ **

Adrian turned to the younger Winchester brother. "Just follow. My. Lead. Got it?" He looked at her, trying to decipher what she was about to do. "Follow your lead, got it." She took Sam's moose paw and dragged him out in front of the others. Kevin, Charlie, and the rest of the bunker listened in, as Adrian began to speak.

"Attention, homo y homo." The angel and Winchester both stopped mentally undressing each other to listen to Adrian. "Hey, I'm not gay, so cut the crap-ow!" Dean rubbed his head, as the cherub returned the spatula back to it's home by the stove. "Shut up, Buttercup. Announcement time." She looked towards the hallway. "And that means that, yes, You three can come out now." The small group watched as Charlie, Kevin, and Crowley walked sheepishly out of the hall, ashamed at being caught. Well, not Crowley, 'cause he's a little shit and doesn't give a damn.

Adrian returned her attention to the human and his angel. "As you may, or may not have heard...." Dean looked anxiously at Adrian, while Sam waited patiently for her to continue. "Sam and I, well, we're banging. Horizontal mambo, twisted tango, peanut in the butter." The room froze. No one made a sound for a moment, and then, all anarchy broke loose. While Charlie, Kevin, and Crowley laughed, Dean stared at the Cherub, as if she had bitten him, and Sam had landed across the room. Everyone then turned to look at Castiel. He used his angel mojo to teleport to where Sam was, and proceeded to punch him. Hard.

"You.  _ ***SLAM***   _are sleeping.  ** _*THWAK*_  ** with MY SISTER???!!!" The younger angel ran over to Cas, and yanked him off of the human. "CASTIEL," she shrieked. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Castiel looked at his sister. "You've been with him. How long?" She pulled Sam up by a shoulder, one that was bleeding immensely. "I don't have to answer that question. You have no right to beat Sam like that. You're with Dean, and you don't see me touching your precious human."

Once Sam was to his feet, Dean burst into action, bringing out a safety kit and ice pack. He sat his little brother at a counter, and began to patch him up, while the angels talked. "Adrian, what Dean and I have, it doesn't go pas-"

She slapped him. "Don't you give me that bullshit, Castiel. I know you have feelings for Dean, and they are reciprocated, believe me, I know. So, do us all a fucking favor, me especially, go in there, and claim that ass. I want this bunker to be Destiel free for one night. That is all I want. One glorious night, full of movies and food with Sam, and so help me Father, I will have it. Do you understand, brother dear?"

As Feathers began to speak, Adrian stopped him. "Don't start. One night. It's all I ask. I've never asked you for anything, except to patch me up when I came here, and now I am simply asking you for a night with my human. Can you please go out with Dean for the night?"

Castiel looked at his youngest sister and sighed. With a small nod, and a sorry look, he agreed. "I understand. I am sorry for upsetting you. Dean and I will go out for the night. When would it be okay for us to come back?" The cherub smirked at her brother and with a hug, she stretched to whisper into his ear, "Thanks, anytime after one in the morning is good for us. I owe you one, big brother."


	2. Never Leave Your Bunker Alone With A Cupid (And Company).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I am an asshole, just thought you guys ought to know now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably going to do another story in this verse, but this is probably the end of this story.

_***A few hours later, and Castiel and Dean are off to dinner and a movie. Adrian and the rest of the bunker's inhabitants are watching a movie in Sam's room.*** _

 

"Adrian, I really don't see the point in this movie..."

"Shut it, Samsquatch, Tank Girl is a cult classic."

All of a sudden, a small dog appears on Adrian's lap. Sam looks towards Adrian, who is currently petting the dog. "Um, Adrian, please tell me that you summoned the corgi..?" Adrian glanced up at Sam, then returned her attention to the movie, while Charlie and Kevin pet the dog, and Crowley inched away from it. Sam noticed the King's movement. "Crowley, what's wrong?"

Crowley gave Sam a taste of his own bitchface.

"Your bloody cherub currently has a Goddamn archangel on her lap! What do you think is 'wrong?'" Sam looked at the dog in confusion. "But, I thought they were all dead..."

All of a sudden, a certain candy-eating archangel was sitting in Sam's lap with a lollipop in his mouth and a shit-eating grin on his face. "Sup, Sammykins, long time, no ass-squeezing." Sam tossed Gabriel onto the floor, his face filled with pain and horror, and walked briskly out of the room. Adrian looked a her older brother with a concerned face, and followed the younger Winchester out of the room. Adrian found him in the bunker's library shortly after the sudden leave and walked over to him.

She quietly snuck her hands around Sam's stomach to give him a hug, and was shocked to feel him quickly return the gesture. She slowly snuck one of her hands to his head and stroked his hair. Sam squeezed her waist a little tighter and she heard him release a small sob. Adrian turned her head when she suddenly heard a small cough, and saw Gabriel looking at her with guilt. She quickly mouthed,  _"He needs some time to think"_ and watched as the archangel walked away, head hung low, and lollipop missing from his hand. Adrian rubbed the man's back as she slowly started humming and enochian song to him. She waited a few minutes as he slowly started to cease his crying, and gave a small smile when he looked back up at her.

"Sam, you wanna go lay down?" The human looked at Adrian, and gave a small nod, showing in his face that he wanted to say something. Adrian gave him a small pat on the back, and said, "Is there something you wanna say?" Sam nodded. "Can it just be the two of us? I don't want to talk to anyone right now." The cherub nodded, and took Sam's hand, leading him to her room. "And Adrian?" Adrian halted. "Yeah, Sam?" Sam looked at her sheepishly, then quietly said, "Please don't mention this to Dean. Or anyone, really. Please?" Adrian quickly nodded. "Of course, I'll just tell the others where we'll be, in case any of them come along snooping, alright?" This time, it was Sam's turn to nod.

 

_***Same time, Dean and Castiel are at a small diner.*** _

 

"So, uh, Cas. How did you like the movie?" Dean asked with a small, uncertain laugh. Castiel took his mind off of his burger to look at the older Winchester brother. "I didn't really understand the plot of it."

Dean looked at Cas, his mouth abruptly halting in making love to his burger. He looked down at his food, setting it onto his plate, and move his eyes up to Castiel's baby blues. "Are you telling me that you didn't like Stark Trek?" Cas looked down at his hands, a small frown forming on his face. "I-I liked it very much, it's just... I didn't pay much attention to the movie itself...." Dean gave a questioning look to the old angel. "Cas, did you even want to go to see the movie?" "Um, not really. Adrian made you and I leave the bunker. She said she wanted to spend some time with Sam." Dean gave a doubtful glance to Castiel. "And nobody else had to leave the bunker? 'Cause I didn't hear her ask anyone else in the damn building to leave. What's really going on, man?" Castiel slammed his hands down onto the diner table, before roughly combing them through his hair. Dean could tell his friend was stressed, but he didn't know what about.

"Cas, look man, you don't have to tell me-"

"She told me to leave because of the feelings I have towards you." This sudden outburst caused Dean to spit out his drink. He wiped his mouth and looked towards his friend. "W-What?" Castiel returned the glance towards his friend. "I, I shouldn't have said anything, I'll, I'll just go." The angel stood up to leave, but before he could, Dean grabbed the arm of his trenchcoat. "What? Say that again, Cas. Just so I know you aren't shitting me." 

Castiel looked down at the hand on his arm, and a memory of a man kneeling before him, begging him to remember, flashed through his mind. With a sudden burst of courage, Castiel grabbed Dean by the lapels of his flannel shirt, and crushed their lips together. Dean nearly toppled over in shock, while Castiel just held a gentle hand to the back of his head. Slowly, but surely, Dean lost control in the kiss, and just went with it. Cas stopped the kiss, and put his forehead against Dean's. The human was panting, his face slightly reddened. "Why'd you stop?"

"Dean, we're in public. The things I want to do to you, I can't do them here." Dean's eyes widened, and he looked around, realizing that they were still, in fact, in the diner. He turned to Castiel, and quickly whispered, "Can we do it in my car?" The angel grabbed his arm, looked around, and flew them to the inside of the impala. 

 

_***Two Hours Later. Cas and Dean have returned to the bunker after some....top and heavy tango.*** _

 

"Cas, you, you gotta be quiet. You'll wake everyone up."

"Dean, no one is sleeping."

"How d'you know that, man?"

"I am an angel, Dean. I can see who is awake."

"Oh, right."

The human and his angel companion quietly walked the halls of the bunker, checking each room to see where the rest of their friends were. Dean opened Sam's door, expecting the moose to be inside, but he only saw Charlie, Kevin, and Crowley, watching what appeared to be Batman. Dean looked at Crowley, who simply said, "A corgi took of with the kiddies to Adrian's." Dean closed the door, and turned to Castiel. "A corgi?" Castiel's faced paled, and he quietly whispered, "Gabriel." The angel turned around, and stalked off towards Adrian's room. Dean followed, confused and pissed, having figured out what his quiet boyfriend?/lover?/friend? meant by his one word.

The angel and his human found the door of Adrian's room open, which was strange, as it was usually closed. Dean nudged the door open, and was shocked by what he found. Sam, Adrian, and Gabriel were all nestled underneath a pillow/blanket fort. The three were in a pile of limbs, with Adrian stretched over the two, and her head tucked under Sam's chin, her arm slouched over Gabriel's chest. Gabriel had his own arm and leg over Sam's, and his head was on Sam's shoulder. The angel, cherub, and moose all looked peaceful, so Dean and Castiel snuck out, making sure to be quiet.

When they left the room, Dean looked at Cas with confusion. "So, what? Are they....are they banging, or not?" Castiel looked to the door. "I don't know. I do know that Adrian has feelings for the both of them, but if they are 'banging', that, I don't know, nor do I wish to know. Dean grimaced at the thought, but then it turned to confusion. "Wait, aren't you guys against incest?" Castiel shook his head. "Technically, Adrian and Gabriel are not related. Yes, they do relate as brother and sister, just as I do with them, but we are used to knowing each other as family." Dean whistled. "I understood half of that." "They may or may not be 'banging.'" Dean smirked, his face hiding the cringe. "Way to clear that up. Thanks, Cas. My mind will be filled with horror for the rest of my life." 

Just then, Adrian walked out into the hall. "Will you two just go to your room and fuck already. I am trying to accomplish sleep on a moose and a candy-addicted corgi angel. What I mean to say is, stop being so loud here, and be loud somewhere else." Dean and Cas looked at the cherub, then to each other, and slowly backed away to Dean's room. Nodding in victory, Adrian walked back into her room, making sure to close her door. 

As she climbed back onto her man-pile, she felt two arms wrap around her, and a candy-scented tongue lick her face. She was just about to fall asleep when she heard a certain King's voice.

"For the love of all that is holy, why did you two arses choose NEXT DOOR TO HAVE SEX?!"

Adrian shrugged, then felt Sam chuckle as he whispered to the two bodies in the room, "At least we stayed in here, tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
> If you guys don't like my ending, screw you, because I did. I chose to ship Gabe/Adrian/Sam because I can do that. I plan to have some serious monster kicking in my next story, and maybe even some actual smut in the future. Either way, this story is done and over with. I feel bad for not including the rest of the people in here, but I can always do next time. Have a nice night, and to those who are at or are going to Comic Con, I hate you. (Not really, I actually really love you guys/)


End file.
